3. Queer Stuff, 6. Youth Development & Education

A More Specific Question

What are the best ways of responding to students who called something “so gay” in order to cast it apart as weird or wrong? The best response will entail having a conversation — communicating with the students, engaging them, challenging them.

In order to plan a caring and effective response, I’ll start by applying the very communication skills that I teach in health class. When preparing to have a serious conversation, first determine a good time and place. If I’m not in the middle of teaching a class, I can ask the student to step into the hallway with me and I can address the issue immediately. If I am in the middle of teaching a class, but do not have a class directly following, I can tell the student to speak with me after class. If neither of these options is available, or if the student spoke these words in the context of other disciplinary issues, then I will keep the student in my classroom after school.

That’s when the hard part starts. What can I say to help them understand better why they said it, why they shouldn’t say it again, and why homophobia hurts all of us? Those are my three objectives. What’s my plan?
1. Guide them through taking responsibility for what they said.
2. Ask them why they said it and listen to where it was coming from.
3. Help them think of more effective and respectful ways of expressing their feelings.
4. Use this moment to teach them…

… insert 5-to-10 minute, developmentally appropriate lesson on homophobia here. Any suggestions? I have lots of ideas, but I have yet to determine the best strategy. Right now I’m trying out what I feel is most applicable to the given student in the given situation. But I would love more feedback on planning ahead for this too frequent of challenges, for I’m sorry to say it will come up again.

Published by Mimi Arbeit

Mimi Arbeit

sexuality educator, developmental scientist, feminist.

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